fine God, you win...

So this weekend, as i was looking forward to leavin the compound walls, seein the cites and kissin some giraffes my body decided to punish me for...well, it could be a million things (im a sinner! haha) but i woke up early friday morning not feelin my best! i missed school friday, and am now going on hour 37 of watching my mosquito net sway as i lay in my rock hard bed.
If this doesn't make someone miss home...being in a house alone, eating food that doesn't sound good anyways, let alone when your sick, no one to scratch your back (one of the favorite things my mom does!) well then i dont know what will!
and for a moment today i got down in the dumps about it...feeling sorry for myself!
my conversation with God went something a little like this:

"ummmm, God, im not really understanding why im being punished for coming to AFRICA to do your work! and now, on the rare occasions i have for fun with my team and to see the city, im SICK! YOU SUCK!"

And after another 2 or 3 mins of some real choice words, i sat and cried (which if u know me is not uncommon, haha) and then i apologized! i decided i better shape up and use what was left of the day to redeem myself...and to simply have some fun for the sake of my sanity! so after watching legally blonde (such a classic) i sat and read, did some journaling, went for a short walk in the sun,which i think actually did my body (and spirit) some good!
What i was reminded of through all this is that life really is what you make it. it sounds cliche; its corny and its obvious, but sometimes i need a good slap in the face to remember the important things!
the other thing i felt really convicted of was the thought that went through my mind..that because i came to Kenya i should not only be free of pain or trouble, but that i deserve some sort of reward.


ummmm, kate, how about going to Kenya because its the right thing to do?
how about going because thats where u felt called? (yes, i actually talk to myself!)


so im having a new perspective not only on this trip...but a on this idea we call "deservedness" and after a lot of reflecting today, i was reminded (for i think i figured this same lesson out a couple years back) that i dont deserve diddly squat...in fact if i deserve anything, then i got it friday morning when i crawled to the bathroom!)


SO heres what i know: i only have 12 days left here (can you believe it!) and by golly, im gonna make them good ones...because A. i can and B. i dont deserve them but god has given them to me as a gift and i dont intend to throw that away!


p.s. for the concerned readers out there: prayers would be great, but im already feeling tons better!!!